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The Nutshell is a creative collective under the government of Holly-Rose and Hannah-Rose with ODD and SPONTANEOUS tamperings by Logie-Bear; made up of writers, musicians, and artists. Here teacups are rife and insanity is always technicoloured.
 
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 anybody can despair

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wretchedkisses
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PostSubject: anybody can despair   Thu 4 Sep 2008 - 11:53

This was written as a cheeky response to somebody who told me it was more worthwhile to despair than to hope. It ended up being more sincere than I'd intended.

anybody can despair.
it is not the mind frame of
winners,
achievers,
leaders. nor of the
celebrated,
the changers,
the movers and the shakers.
despair is measured only in
cynicism, in hyperbole and inaction.
hope, on the other hand,
is meted in change.
in headlines.
in treaties.
in bipartisanship.
in compassion.
in loves won and lives kept safe.
it is silver linings
and people watching.
it is magic,
and,
it is what makes the world spin
forward.
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Hannah-Rose
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Mon 15 Sep 2008 - 2:39

This isn't so much a poem as a list. Also, grammar is your friend.
This may seem like a lazy crit, but it's a response to lazy writing. Spend some more time on you're work and other people will spend more time considering it.

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Logiebear
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Mon 15 Sep 2008 - 3:16

Impressed that you managed to fit the word "bipartisanship" in there. But as Hannah said, It verges on being a list

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Hannah-Rose
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Mon 15 Sep 2008 - 9:21

*headdesk*

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Mon 15 Sep 2008 - 9:41

Hey, I agreed with you, how is that a *headdesk* moment?

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Mon 15 Sep 2008 - 9:45

Congratulating someone on getting a long an semi-obscure word into a poem creates some distinct headdesk aura, vaguely related to the standard of poetry going on...

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Mon 15 Sep 2008 - 11:26

Ah. Just trying to break the newbie in gently, gawrsh.

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Tue 16 Sep 2008 - 7:25

Eh. I know. Usually I would do the same. But for some reason the internet bitch has been gnawing on my soul of late.

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Tue 16 Sep 2008 - 8:09

As of late?

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Wed 17 Sep 2008 - 23:08

Worse than usual, I mean.

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Thu 18 Sep 2008 - 1:14

Lol fair enough then

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wretchedkisses
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Thu 18 Sep 2008 - 9:33

Hannah-Rose wrote:
This isn't so much a poem as a list. Also, grammar is your friend.
This may seem like a lazy crit, but it's a response to lazy writing. Spend some more time on you're work and other people will spend more time considering it.

"you're"...irony much?

I know it seems like a list, but that was sort of the point; that there's so much more to each thing - hope and despair - than just the words. Plus, I wrote it out in the rhythm that was in my head.

My poetry tends not to be standard, rhyme/verse/stanza. I'm a fan of the more interior monologue school of poetry. Bukowski et al.
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Thu 18 Sep 2008 - 10:25

Whoa. Shocked Shocked

*hides under covers in prep for Hannah smiting*

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Thu 18 Sep 2008 - 22:46

Why? I was just firstly pointing out the irony, and secondly explaining my style of poetry. Surely that's not deserved of a smiting?
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Fri 19 Sep 2008 - 0:42

Nein, I type to quick, always. Style is one thing, but if it comes off more like school poetry than a school of poetry you might be needing to refine your style.

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Fri 19 Sep 2008 - 8:56

Arrr it be a battle of wits!

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wretchedkisses
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Fri 19 Sep 2008 - 9:29

Interesting, I'll take it under consideration. I'd like you to comment on the other poem I posted if and when you can find the time.
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Tue 23 Sep 2008 - 23:36

yeah, I didn't hear the rhythm, but then I'm not great with rhythm of any sort.

I have to say that while I understood the listing was part of the technique I didn't think it was particularly effective. It came accross to me somewhat like one of those attitude talks we got at school where they try to motivate you.

At leasat it wasn't the depressive angst I vaguely expected from the title including the word despair
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Hannah-Rose
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Wed 24 Sep 2008 - 0:03

Ah, there must be a true poet in there then, if there's no offence taken to what I admit was a kinda harsh crit... XD

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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Wed 24 Sep 2008 - 12:48

TimTam wrote:
yeah, I didn't hear the rhythm, but then I'm not great with rhythm of any sort.

I have to say that while I understood the listing was part of the technique I didn't think it was particularly effective. It came accross to me somewhat like one of those attitude talks we got at school where they try to motivate you.

At leasat it wasn't the depressive angst I vaguely expected from the title including the word despair

All that says to me is that you got what I was trying to convey!!! It was meant to be motivational, or at least semi-persuasive and to be definitely NOT angsty.
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Thu 25 Sep 2008 - 1:33

o well that's good then, maybe still you want to work on the sound a little more for it to be taken as being an technique rather than someone as Hannah says, writing school poety
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xAnastasiax
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PostSubject: Re: anybody can despair   Thu 25 Sep 2008 - 5:02

I'm crap at poetry and have no idea what I'm talking about with it because normally, I write stories instead but I liked it anyway. I got the idea that you were trying to put across.

Question:

The format makes the poem what it is? Would it still have the same idea and meaning if you just ran the lines together? Would it still work no matter how it was formatted?
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