The Nutshell

The Nutshell is a creative collective under the government of Holly-Rose and Hannah-Rose with ODD and SPONTANEOUS tamperings by Logie-Bear; made up of writers, musicians, and artists. Here teacups are rife and insanity is always technicoloured.
 
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 My Train

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Pidgeon Haraser aka Gill
Bloodied Typewriter
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Number of posts : 147
Age : 27
Location : Your Mums Thong
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Registration date : 2008-05-12

PostSubject: My Train   Sun 11 Oct 2009 - 23:06

Scratch. Bang, Scratch Scratch, Bang Bang!

Why is life so noisy?

I'm trying to sleep to ignore the nagging rats outside my window,

Life is so side splittingly funny as fat old women say,

In between the chocolates they shove in their mouths cause they aren't getting any!

Well I have got any, bad grammar win Jesus!

Lets go make a crucifix and piss of some Christians,

Cause hay, if rappers and mass murders can do it why not me?

Life is so very very funny you know? Do you know? Do you?

I don't, I'm not laughing.

The big mouse my life trains circles around is though,

She's laughing in her red dress while she jumps over her skip rope,

To playful tunes the china doll plays on the piano.

Dancing bones drive the train while they burn brains rather than coal and babies cry for the whistle.

How I do love to be alive to witness the chaotic madness I construct,

For there are none as demonic as I.

I control only myself therefor I am the greatest risk alive,

As are you to the world, as are all who walk the earth,

All who ride their trains as the mouse laughs and skips to playful tunes,

Life really is funny just give the ladies a box of chocolates and it becomes hilarious.
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artsgeek
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PostSubject: Re: My Train   Wed 28 Oct 2009 - 20:37

Okay, so, I've recently had it explained to me in quite sensible and compelling logic why I shouldn't just march in and tear apart poetry written by strangers on the internet. But, I also believe that such criticism is a very helpful tool for young writers. So, happy balance, I'm going to ask your permission - is it okay if I give this a really harsh crit? I want to because I can see potential here, but it's potential that does need some direction and development.
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Pidgeon Haraser aka Gill
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Number of posts : 147
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Registration date : 2008-05-12

PostSubject: Re: My Train   Wed 28 Oct 2009 - 21:51

What do you do for a living?
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artsgeek
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PostSubject: Re: My Train   Thu 29 Oct 2009 - 16:22

Haha, work for a publishing company. So yes, I do know what I'm talking about.
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Hannah-Rose
Goddess Devine
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Goddess DevineSupreme OverLady
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PostSubject: Re: My Train   Fri 30 Oct 2009 - 8:43

Yay! Another literary type I can harass for advice about my novel!

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konnichi wa, bitches
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