anybody can despair

This was written as a cheeky response to somebody who told me it was more worthwhile to despair than to hope. It ended up being more sincere than I'd intended.

anybody can despair.
it is not the mind frame of
winners,
achievers,
leaders. nor of the
celebrated,
the changers,
the movers and the shakers.
despair is measured only in
cynicism, in hyperbole and inaction.
hope, on the other hand,
is meted in change.
in headlines.
in treaties.
in bipartisanship.
in compassion.
in loves won and lives kept safe.
it is silver linings
and people watching.
it is magic,
and,
it is what makes the world spin
forward.

This isn't so much a poem as a list. Also, grammar is your friend.
This may seem like a lazy crit, but it's a response to lazy writing. Spend some more time on you're work and other people will spend more time considering it.

Impressed that you managed to fit the word "bipartisanship" in there. But as Hannah said, It verges on being a list

*headdesk*

Hey, I agreed with you, how is that a *headdesk* moment?

Congratulating someone on getting a long an semi-obscure word into a poem creates some distinct headdesk aura, vaguely related to the standard of poetry going on...

Ah. Just trying to break the newbie in gently, gawrsh.

Eh. I know. Usually I would do the same. But for some reason the internet bitch has been gnawing on my soul of late.

As of late?

Worse than usual, I mean.

Lol fair enough then

Hannah-Rose wrote:

This isn't so much a poem as a list. Also, grammar is your friend.
This may seem like a lazy crit, but it's a response to lazy writing. Spend some more time on you're work and other people will spend more time considering it.

"you're"...irony much?

I know it seems like a list, but that was sort of the point; that there's so much more to each thing - hope and despair - than just the words. Plus, I wrote it out in the rhythm that was in my head.

My poetry tends not to be standard, rhyme/verse/stanza. I'm a fan of the more interior monologue school of poetry. Bukowski et al.

Whoa.

*hides under covers in prep for Hannah smiting*

Why? I was just firstly pointing out the irony, and secondly explaining my style of poetry. Surely that's not deserved of a smiting?

Nein, I type to quick, always. Style is one thing, but if it comes off more like school poetry than a school of poetry you might be needing to refine your style.

Arrr it be a battle of wits!

Interesting, I'll take it under consideration. I'd like you to comment on the other poem I posted if and when you can find the time.

yeah, I didn't hear the rhythm, but then I'm not great with rhythm of any sort.

I have to say that while I understood the listing was part of the technique I didn't think it was particularly effective. It came accross to me somewhat like one of those attitude talks we got at school where they try to motivate you.

At leasat it wasn't the depressive angst I vaguely expected from the title including the word despair

Ah, there must be a true poet in there then, if there's no offence taken to what I admit was a kinda harsh crit... XD

TimTam wrote:

yeah, I didn't hear the rhythm, but then I'm not great with rhythm of any sort.

I have to say that while I understood the listing was part of the technique I didn't think it was particularly effective. It came accross to me somewhat like one of those attitude talks we got at school where they try to motivate you.

At leasat it wasn't the depressive angst I vaguely expected from the title including the word despair

All that says to me is that you got what I was trying to convey!!! It was meant to be motivational, or at least semi-persuasive and to be definitely NOT angsty.

o well that's good then, maybe still you want to work on the sound a little more for it to be taken as being an technique rather than someone as Hannah says, writing school poety

I'm crap at poetry and have no idea what I'm talking about with it because normally, I write stories instead but I liked it anyway. I got the idea that you were trying to put across.

Question:

The format makes the poem what it is? Would it still have the same idea and meaning if you just ran the lines together? Would it still work no matter how it was formatted?